Grammy review from a guy who didn't watch them

Fuck the Grammy's.

In fact, fuck all the music award shows. Somewhere along the way it became important for all of the elitists to jerk each other off over how much they like particular artists who they have decided it would be "cool" to like.

For example, it has suddenly become "cool" to think Lady Gaga is the tits. Why? Nofuckinidea. Her music is awful. Her outfits are not edgy, they're ri-goddamn-diculous. I'd comment on her equine-like face but looks should not matter in music. If you look at pictures of the music stars of pre-internet and media saturation times, you'll know what I'm talking about. I'm no fan of that Susan Boyle woman but you have to give her credit for shaming the world in to looking past her Jabba the Hutt-like exterior.

But Lady Gaga is everywhere. In the car she's on the radio. She's a guest on every talk show. I have to hear her at the gym. She's constantly in my head. And how can anyone take her seriously when she looks like this:





You'd think I would be a fan as she is one of those rare women who doesn't believe in pants. Ordinarily, that is something I can get on board. But this woman does nothing for me. Maybe it's the hermaphrodite rumors. Either way, her music is awful, she's obnoxious, and the people who celebrate her eccentricities are doing so in a self-serving way to make themselves think they are edgy.

My next beef is on that little starlet Taylor Swift. Now I hate country music, I think it's awful. Sometimes it can be funny when you have those songs that are just so redneck it's hard to figure out if it is meant to be satire or not. That being said, if I was a country fan, I'd friggin hate Taylor Swift. It's kind of like being really in to rock and having to deal with little bitches like My Chemical Romance and Death Cab for Cutie.

Swift's music is so far from legitimate country music it's barely recognizable. She's a blond Avril Lavigne, who's also annoying. Perhaps my problem is with these little starlets in general. Is there any other country which has to deal with them en masse like the USA does?

Speaking of which, OMGZZZ did you hear the whopper from Miley Cyrus??? She's going to call it quits on Hannah Montanna!!!

My guess is that she has just grown up too much for a show that caters to pre-teen girls. I'm not sure what's next for Miley but I have some guesses...


Now on a positive note, you won't hear me bitch about Beyonce and her shitload of awards. Good for her. That woman can sing, that woman can dance, that woman can do whatever she wants. The "Sasha Fierce" alternate personality bullshit that she's been talking about is lame but these rock stars these days always engage in a little bit of self-indulgence so I will give her a pass on that.

The lack of rock dominance is a trend that gets worse year after year, and that's a bummer. The crop of good rock musicians is just getting weaker. Green Day won, of course. So did Kings of Leon for the one song that people know. Whatever, it would have been nice to see Pearl Jam win something, but that is wishful thinking.

Is rock dying? Perhaps. The genre itself is getting pushed aside by the likes of Country, R&B, Rap, and American Idol-style pop. It took hippies to make it big in the 70s, glam and drugs in the 80s, and Kurt Cobain in the 90s. It will be interesting to see what it will take to bring it to the forefront in the future.

Now, in honor of Beyonce's record-breaking haul, get up and shake that ass.