My Personal Curse

What it is, jive turkey!!! I've got a problem. Actually, I have 3 problems:

First of all, I've been cursed with incredible good looks.

Second of all, I spend too much time on fantasy sports.

And third, I can't seem to buy a friggin championship in said fantasy sports.

Early playoff exits are my thing. I've managed to win one football championship a few years ago, and I believe I took another in hockey two years ago. My recent past, however, leaves something to be desired. If I recall correctly, my most recent performances go a little something like this:

Hockey

2006-Finished 9 out of 10, most likely because of the incredibly gay team name of "Hockey Town Hussies"
2007-Team name change to "Le Chuck" results in CHAMPIONSHIP!!! Suck it!
2008-Trip to Colombia and not setting line up results in 2nd place out of 12.
2009-Not finished but currently climbing the charts.

Football

2006-"Sexy Time Explosion" isn't so sexy at all and finishes 8 out of 8
2007-"Hot Beef Injection" gets the silver
2008-"Mandalorian Merc's" finishes with the 1st seed and then is immediately eliminated in the 1st round. End result: 7th out of 16
2009-"SherrifGonnaGetcha" again finishes with the 1st seed. I roll my way in to the semi's where I eliminated. End result: 3rd out of 12

Baseball

2006-My fightin' "Underpants Gnomes" can only manage an 8th place finish out of 10th.
2007-"Tater Chips" is a little better, getting 5th out of 12.
2008-"Logjammin" scores the 2nd seed. After the 1st round bye I immediately lose in the playoffs. End result: 3rd out of 14.
2009-"Logjammin" finishes with the 1st seed with perhaps the best roster ever in the history of fantasy baseball where I then again LOSE IN THE GOD DAMN SEMI'S!!! End result: Fucking 3rd.

So my average finish is:
2006-8th
2007-3rd
2008-4th (Despite 1st and 2nd place finish)
2009-3rd (Despite 2 first place finishes)

So what the hell is this shit??? What is the issue? I have no fucking idea. All I know is that is getting really friggin annoying to have my team eliminated in the playoffs by the dude who autodrafts and checks his team twice a month.

Across the last 4 fantasy seasons I have finished either 1st or 2nd in the regular season and I have nothing to show for it.

Am I cursed? Am I destined to never get a hold of the gold in the two sports with money on the line (hockey doesn't pay)? If not it is certainly not for lack of trying.

Football I can certainly understand because it's a complete crapshoot. You never know who's going to get TDs. It's the most popular fantasy sport because it is, undoubtedly, the easiest to play. However, I'm obviously doing something right if I've managed to finish 1st two years in a row.

It's baseball that really bothers me. Baseball is the nerdy extra complicated cousin to Football. Baseball guys love stats. I love stats. I have designed, and am always making improvements on, my own personal excel spreadsheet designed to properly rank and tier almost 500 players which I check almost every single damn day. Excessive? You bet your ass. Do I love indulging in to that deep level of nerdery. Absolutely.

It makes me wonder what the hell it is for when I have nothing to show for it, however. I keep telling myself, "Fuck it. Next year I'm going autodraft", but I never do.

So, I'm all prepped for the 2010 baseball season. And while just about everyone else in the league will, at best, by a magazine the day before the draft and wing it, I'm going to be the numbnuts still debating at the last second if Felix Pie belongs in the same tier as Jason Heyward, despite the fact that neither may even get a single at-bat this year.

Whatever, fuck everyone else. This year I'm going to win. If not, well, just like following the Redskins, the failure gets a little easier each time.