Crying over spilled oil

Politics is hilarious. Can I just say that? There has been a ton of absolutely hysterical behavior lately so it's been kind of difficult for me to choose any particular issue to dive in to on this here blog. However, this whole oil thing has just been a joke. Before I delve in to that, though, I'll hit up a few other topics.

• Musics

There's been a little bit of new musics lately. I last blogged about STP's new album and over time it has really just struck me as mediocre. It just appears to be more blah blah blah like the last couple albums with nothing particularly pleasing to get excited about. It's always disappointing when the lead single is the high point of the album. At this point I have to admit that my affection for STP is nothing more than a fading memory of the mid 90s. There is nothing in their current works that bears any resemblance to Core or Purple.

Coming out at about the same time as STP was the new one by the Deftones. This cd isn't too shabby but, like STP, I am remembering the band more for one of my all time favorite albums (White Pony). Anyway, the reviews likened the new joint to White Pony and raved about it saying it was a return to that style but I just am not seeing it. I actually see their last three (post-White Pony) albums as kind of similar. There's nothing amazing going on in this particular era but I also don't hate it.

Another cd for me to get excited about would have to be the recent release by Sarah McLachlan. I love me some Sarah. She's awesome. I can't quite explain why my usually hard rock music taste is infiltrated by this sweet singing Canadian but the fact is that I love it. She sings great, there's usually some sweet ass bass lines going on, she's got commercials trying to make you adopt animals... what's not to like? Keep bringing it Sarah. Don't change a thing.

• Body movin'

So with the upcoming wedding thing the Hot Mary and myself have recently taken a couple dance lessons. Quite frankly I don't think we learned enough to actually hold our own anywhere but the surprising thing was that it was actually kind of fun. We had these cats teaching us some foxtrot steps and speaking to us in accents I could barely make out but I kind of dug it. Of course it's all sorts of expensive and will require practice that we don't necessarily have time to do but it might be something that we'll have to revisit in the future. Don't knock it till you've tried it.

• Eh... the fantasy baseballs

Wow. This season has been a bust. Let me give a brief summary. Doumit is ok at catcher but the guy I cut, Napoli, has since blown up. Konerko is one of the league leaders in dingers but the guy I drafted, Berkman, still has yet to do some damage. Beckham still can't put some distance between his average and the mendoza line. A-Rod is hitting well but is only on track for 20 HRs. Jeter is also hitting well but is mysteriously lacking the patience he once had (OBP of around .350). Abreu and Span are no where near the .300 AVE and .400 OBP they normally hit and Ellsbury is still not back from cracked ribs. Lester and Liriano are fine but Nolasco and Beckett are not contributing much. Finally, my closers are ok but Bailey and Franklin never get save opportunities.

That is my season thus far and, again, it is a miracle that I am not in last place.

Alright, so, the oil spill.

First of all, I suppose it's not even correct to refer to it as a "spill". That was an accurate description of what happened with Exxon up near Alaska but this situation in the Gulf of Mexico is more of an oil gusher. Not good news. The worst part (that's not actually true but it makes for a better phrase) of it is that it isn't a singular incident for which the news cycle will come and go and become yesterdays news. Nope, in this situation, as long as the oil continues to gush, so do all of the friggin experts.

This whole incident was labeled incorrectly right from the get-go as certain morons deemed it "Obama's Katrina". How does one single natural event resulting in thousands dead that was forecasted to occur have any similarity to a surprise man made event killing a dozen? I don't really know. Both of them involved water and Louisiana. Great job connecting the dots.

What it comes down to, and this is no surprise, is that there is a certain segment of the population flirting with blatant treason/sedition in the hopes of pushing Obama out of office. Most of these people like to come up with justification in their feelings despite the fact that they decided on this course before Obama was elected and even had a chance to unleash "TEH ZOMG EVIL SOCIALIST AGENDA".

The conservative criticism is two-headed and quite contradictory. On one side you have oil lover conservative head. These people are motivated by shouts of "Drill, Baby! Drill!" and, not surprisingly, is led by intellectual genius on all matters, Sarah Palin. She blames the crisis on environmentalists. This makes sense because environmentalists would prefer that there was no drilling at all. This causes drilling to occur in deep water which causes safety lapse induced explosions. In actuality I have no idea what Palin is talking about and I rarely do. I tried just now to connect the dots on her logic but I forget that pretty much everything says is some sort of Tea Party slogan which doesn't really translate well to actual thought. Fuck that bitch.

The other two prominent conservative minds claiming the oil gusher ain't no thang are Brit Hume and Rush Limbaugh. Just with the fact that Rush's name is attached to this is enough reason to already know that this stance is full of shit. Rush says that the ocean is used to absorbing oil all the time, so what's the big deal? You know what else isn't a big deal? Getting a little sun, having a glass of wine and eating a little bacon. However, just as dumping tons upon tons of crude oil in to the water isn't the same as a little oil naturally escaping in to the water it's also a whole different story to tan 5 hours of day, drink gallons of wine and eat a shit ton of bacon. Rush is a friggin moron. By the way, rush also spends his day criticizing Obama for his handling of this "non" crisis. Again, Rush is a friggin moron and so are the people who believe him.

As for Hume, it absolutely blew my mind when he asked a couple weeks ago on that idiot-fest known as Fox Sunday Morning or something like that: "Where's the oil?". What the fuck?!? At this point I had been douched with images of the following: oil slicks visible on the surface of the gulf, oil washed up on shores, oil slicks on fire in controlled burns in the water, unidentifiable oil covered avian creatures, dead turtles and other animals covered in that shit and satellite images of the mess in a big-picture view. And Hume asks where the oil is? Listen, Brit, the only reason you had no idea where the oil was is either because you are willingly ignorant on these images or your employer has chosen not to run any of the images and that's where you get all of your "news". Either one is inexcusable.

This brings us to the next bunch of critics. These are the people who think that Obama is personally responsible for everything that has ever gone wrong in this country. I really don't even know where to begin on this one as the criticisms have been coming from all directions and for any number of reasons. I'll try to round them up as I remember them.

One of the bigger complaints during this crisis is that Obama hasn't appeared to be upset enough and is detached from the situation. That criticism is entirely based on each individual. Some people want to see their leader get worked up and angry at those who have wronged us. Other people want someone who keeps emotion out of it. Regardless of your own preferences there are those that didn't like that Obama did not appear to care. Obama then made the mistake of saying that he needed to kick some ass in this whole ordeal and also gave a speech about it. All of a sudden now he is acting like a "street thug" and being rude. I also heard that he was acting like a child throwing a tantrum. These criticisms in many cases were coming from the same people who didn't like his then emotionless response. The obvious conclusions: these people wouldn't be happy no matter how Obama responded.

Next up we have the people who complained that Obama was not being hard enough on BP. This of course leads to allegations of collusion. Maybe Obama wanted this to occur hmmmm? Fast forward to this week and BP has been hit with the $20 billion bill for the damages. Now of course we hear these morons upset that Obama would dare force BP to pay for this. It's an absolute joke. The conclusion drawn in the previous paragraph is also applicable here.

The other criticism which I have personally repeated on Hannity as well as Fox is that Obama is not accepting any foreign assistance in this. This is an absolute lie and yet it gets repeated every single fucking day. There are no less than 15 nations with a ship in the gulf right now helping out in the process. All you have to do is a simple internet search. Why is that beyond the capabilities of these "professionals"?

All told I really don't know what the critics expected of Obama. I honestly don't believe that any department in the Federal Government is knowledgeable or equipped to handle an oil leak miles beneath the surface. Obama certainly made a large number of campaign promises but no where in those speeches did he say anything about being able to swim down there and take care of shit like this.

The list of outright lies and smearing that is being placed on the administration right now is so ridiculous that it really takes away from the actual tragedy. There has even been the lie spread that Obama was just fucking around for a month without visiting the scene despite the fact that Obama made an appearance right at the beginning of May. Again, it's all information that could be easily obtained should one want to know the truth rather than just tune in to sources that will tell you what you want to hear.

What the fuck would it really matter if Obama showed up on the Louisiana shores anyway? Perhaps he could stand on the beach and give the oil slick a stony stare that would send it scurrying back to the depths from whence it came. That's exactly what Reagan would have done.

As for Obama, he clearly has justification to give a hearty "fuck you" to those conservatives who find fault in everything he does. Simple as that. Why give a shit about people who hate for the sake of hating. All they want is a Republican in power. When you are the type of person to put the party above the country you have clearly fallen outside of reality. The ironic part is that these are the first people to declare themselves "patriots".

Stop getting your information from Sarah Palin facebook updates and wake up. It's either that or remain an idiot. Your choice.

Fantasy baseball 1st quarter in review

Ugh...

It has not been pretty. So we have about 1/4 of the games out of the way and Logjammin is tied for 10th out of 12. My roster reads like an all-star list of what players are mysteriously slumping hardcore. People in my league are not biting on any but the most marginal trades. To add insult to injury I am saddled with three Red Sox.

Not good.

So here's the rundown...

My catchers thus far have been a disaster. My original draft pick of Mike Napoli has not worked out at all and he has since been dropped in favor of the Pirates Ryan Doumit... who is also slumping. I have no idea what happened here. Napoli has shown 20 homer power over the past couple seasons and absolutely mashed in spring training. The Angels promptly sat him down as soon as the season started and played defensive catcher Jeff Mathis instead. Mathis eventually was injured giving Napoli the full time at bats he needed. Napoli took advantage of that by batting about .230 and may lose the job again as soon as Mathis comes back.

At first my plan was to draft a DLed Berkman and use Konerko to fill in. That actually has been something of a success as Paul went on to be the early home run leader. He has since stopped mashing but is still hitting. It's nothing more than a stat correction as he was extremely lucky in his HR/FB ratio and unlucky in his BABIP. Yeah, I'm a stats nerd. And despite a slow start from Berkman he appears to be hitting his stride.

Second base was a complete failure. Rookie phenom Gordon Beckham appears to be experiencing something of a sophomore slump as he hasn't even sniffed .200 in some time despite a lot of patience from Ozzie Guillen. I recently gave in and benched him in favor for Orlando Hudson who was about the only decent available 2B on the waiver wire. It could work out as Hudson is a good AVE/OBP guy who bats in front of Morneau and Mauer. If Beckham is still this awful I may have to consider cutting him altogether.

Third has been ok with A-Rod. He isn't mashing taters the way I expected but he is hitting well and piling up the RBIs. Yet another slugger who's power dropped off in the wake of steroid scandal? hmmmm...

Short has been a mixed bag with dreamy Derek Jeter. He started off the season on fire but has since cooled off. I'm not looking for a replacement as there really isn't one and I expect that Jeter will heat up again soon.

The outfield oddly enough has been the strongest part of my team. Unfortunately this isn't saying much. First of all fucking Jacoby Ellsbury has been DLed most of the season but should be returning soon... possibly tonight. So there goes my assumed source of Rs, SBs, and AVE. Abreu and Span are doing what I wanted them to do by scoring runs, stealing a couple bases, and hitting the occasional dinger. However, they too, like every single other friggin guy on my team is hitting horribly. I recently picked up hot rookie Boesch of the Tigers to fill in for Ellsbury but he will most likely be cut as soon as the Jacoby comes off the DL. I also grabbed Luke Scott for his super streakiness although, with the way the rest of the season has gone, he will probably cool off now that I have him.

Again I must remind you that my team was built around getting on base and scoring runs. The fact that almost every single guy that I drafted is at least 20-40 points below their career batting averages is unbelievable. I have never dealt with this level of suck in all my team playing this silly game.

My pitchers are not much better, if not worse. My two "aces" Beckett and Haren have both started off extremely poorly. It kind of makes me want to punch myself. Nolasco and Liriano have been solid, probably my best two at this point. Gavin Floyd and Ted Lilly are kind of chancy and each time I throw them out there I'm basically rolling the dice. I got a bit lucky early on by picking up Brad Penny and Jaime Garcia but I immediately traded them off, along with Tim Hudson, for Jon Lester and Javier Vazquez. Those three are great pitchers and I may have gotten fleeced but there was little strikeout potential like I have with Lester/Vazquez and I needed to clear out some roster space. Lester is up there with Nolasco and Liriano to give me a solid core but Vazquez is a train wreck. If he can finally get himself settled down then he could also help out big time with Ws and Ks.

My closers are shit. Bailey, Franklin, and Qualls have been much less than I expected. I have to lay the blame of two of my losing weeks squarely at their feet. This past week all three of them finished with ERAs over 5, no saves, and 3 losses. The other guy beat my three closers with only Leo Nunez. Awesome.

I recently sent a twitter message of my roster to FOX analyst John Halpin asking if he had any suggestions on what I should do. All he said was "Cry, and hang on. Gotta get better."

That's really encouraging.

It's really all I can do, however. People in my league are not trading and there's no quick fix as a free agent. All I can do is think of last year, when I was in last place around the mid way point and managed to come in first place (pre-playoffs of course). Unfortunately, I had a lot more to work with then. Now, not so much.

Maybe I should pay more attention to wedding plans instead...

You sick little monkey

The more I hear about Rep Eric Massa the more skeeved out I get. It took me a couple days to even start to pay attention to this guy as I started hearing his name pop up and I wish I had never decided to do so. Here you have a grown man, an elected representative, discussing his history of tickling, groping, SNORKLING(???) other grown men who have been subordinates. And the whole time he's talking about it like it ain't no thang.

It's so strange becomes he confesses freely to any and all alleged activities and then says that nothing is wrong with this. I'm pretty sure that if I were to ahead and give my buddies at the bar a good tickle tonight that I'd get a punch to the face. Sure, getting punched in the face wouldn't be anything new, but that is irrelevant.

So this fella was recently on the Glen Beck show for an interview and a fascinating thing happened where Beck eventually turned to the camera and apologized to his audience for "wasting their time". I'm not sure what he thought was going to happen but you know something isn't right when you've managed to out-crazy Beck.

The serious issue about this, however, is who knew about it. The rumor is that Nancy Pelosi did. If this is true, then there is no excuse for that and she will forever be right there with Dennis Hastert and John Boehner in relation to the Mark Foley incident a couple years ago. That kind of behaviour has no place in our government, and it won't end until these people in positions of authority take steps to curb it, rather than hide it to protect one party's majority.

Again and again the politicians that we are stuck with continue to shock me. Every level of depravity has been uncovered so far at the nations highest offices. We've had all sorts of sexual exploits, perversion, uncountless greed, hypocrisy, zero ethics, lack of integrity, and any other sort of bad behavior you can think of.

Perhaps the Teabaggers have it right with the idea of mob rule. Christ, when Glenn Beck and teabaggers start looking sane, you know shit is getting crazy.

2009 Logjammin: A complete waste of a perfect alignment of the stars

A couple posts ago I was complaining about not winning in fantasy sports. It still completely baffles me that I could not win the league last year in baseball. This is a subject I fear that I will never be able to let go.

Purely for my own indulgence, I'd like to talk about my roster.

C-Pablo Sandoval-572 AB/79 R/25 HR/90 RBI/5 SB/ .330 AVE
I saw Kung Fu Panda as a huge sleeper last year. He finished 2008 with big numbers and a great average after being called up by the Giants at the end of the year. Sure, he might have been a fluke, but what I loved was that he was getting the full time gig at third base while still being eligible for catcher under Yahoo rules. A full time player that you can slot in at the C spot is a dream come true. My plan was to draft Pablo and Matt Wieters, the rookie sensation, and trade whichever one had the most value later on. Well, Pablo was awesome, having a great breakout year. Wieters ended up not being worth the hype, and I dealt him at some point.

1B-Prince Fielder-591 AB/103 R/46 HR/141 RBI/2 SB/ .299 AVE
Nothing like getting top 5 production from your second round draft pick. Fielder was, by far, the MVP of the team. Huge year, and consistent to boot. Other guys on the team had cold spells and hot streaks, but it was Fielder who was consistently ape shit every week. He was coming off a down year in which his transition to a vegetarian lifestyle was criticized, but he was still a monster bat at the position where power is needed. Good move there. I highly doubt he'll be available in the 2nd round this year.

2B-Chase Utley-571 AB/112 R/31 HR/93 RBI/23 SB/.282 AVE
Look at those numbers. Nice, right? How often will you find a 30/20 guy at 2B? I was able to snag Utley in the 3rd round due to concerns that his offseason surgery would cause him some problems. Even at that point in the draft I thought I was taking a gamble. It helped that Pedroia was coming off an MVP season and half the guys I play with are Sawx fans. Utley ended up being awesome. He's a bit streaky, but it was alright... until September, that is. As soon as the playoffs began, Utley went stone cold. On September 1st, Utley had an average of .304. He finished at .282. Over that last, most crucial month Utley went 22/108 (.204). And THAT is why I will not be drafting Utley this year, unless he falls, again, to the 3rd round.

3B-Miguel Cabrera-611 AB/96 R/34 HR/103 RBI/6 SB/.324 AVE
For the second year in a row I made Miggy my first round pick. There's something about him that is very un-exciting. I think it's his consistency that does it. He never has a huge week. Not much to say about him except he keeps almost every category afloat while the various other parts of the roster can blow up and suck at their own discretion. He ran it to some trouble this off season with a drinking problem. It's easy to forget that Miggy is very young. Hopefully he cleans up his act and takes things to the next level.

SS-Gordon Beckham-378 AB/58 R/14 HR/63 RBI/7 SB/.270 AVE
The biggest source of drama in 2009 was definitely my SS situation. I drafted Theriot, included him in a trade for Reyes, lost Reyes to a season ending injury, went through an assortment of Alcides Escobar/Erick Aybar/ Maicer Izturis/Jhonny Peralta/Everth Cabrera/and Elvis Andrus, and finally settled on Beckham who had a very good debut in the majors. Beckham started slow, got really hot in July, went cold in August, and finished nicely in September. If you take his numbers at 600 ABs you get a line of: 92/22/100/11. Not bad at all at SS. I'll take it, and Beckham will definitely be on my radar next year, even though he loses shortstop eligibility.

OF-Matt Holliday-581 AB/94 R/24 HR/ 109 RBI/14 SB/.313 AVE
I didn't draft Holliday but I did get him on a sweet buy-low situation. My OF was garbage at the beginning of the season but I was able to build something nice from nothing. I had Magglio Ordonez (big time slump), Ankiel (garbage), Snider (bust), and Maybin (still waiting for that breakout) to begin the year, but I ended up with a great squad at the end. Holliday was awesome. I got him near the time he was traded to St Louis where he really seemed to enjoy batting behind Pujols. He suffered a power outage and stopped running in September, so, like Utley, I am kind of pissed at him, but he was still batting .326 so I can't complain too much.

OF-Nick Markakis-642 AB/94 R/ 18 HR/ 101 RBI/6 SB/.293 AVE
I've had a man crush on Markakis for a few years and I was bummed when I couldn't get him in the draft. I was able to trade him off on another buy low where he started playing a little better. However, Markakis is now in the same doghouse as Utley as my 2009 fantasy killers. You think Utley was bad with his .204 September average? Well Marakis was even worse with a .198. He, also like Utley, came in to September with a .304 average. It was all downhill from there. I was especially surprised with this production as Markakis was starting to get a reputation for second half explosions. Well, you win some you lose some.

OF-Shin Soo Choo-583 AB/87 R/20 HR/86 RBI/21 SB/.300 AVE
Choo was another proud drafting moment for me as he was a guy I was definitely targeting. I got him in the 17th round and he was definitely worth it. His one bugaboo was injuries and he managed to stay healthy. He was a little heavy on the K's (our league counts strikeouts) but he was solid in every single other category. He also hit a bird one time on a shallow outfield bloop.

Util-Denard Span-578 AB/97 R/8 HR/68 RBI/23 SB/.311 AVE
Span was another guy I wanted to grab as a sleeper but he went before I could get him, where I settled on Maybin. However, he was part of the ill-fated preseason trade where I sent away my pitching staff for Jose Reyes. Span was perfect in this OBP/K league. He gave me a solid OBP, stole a few bases, and scored a bunch of runs. Not bad at all at the utility spot.

SP-Adam Wainwright-233 IP/19-8/212 K/2.63 ERA/1.21 WHIP
Wainwright has been on my team for 4 years now. I love this guy, he's been a sleeper every year while offering at least SP2 production. Unfortunately, his Cy votes finally put him on the map and I'll probably never see him again.

SP-Cliff Lee-231IP/14-13/181 K/3.22 ERA/1.24 WHIP
Another buy low steal. He was slumping at the time of acquisition, but shortly after he was traded to Philly and he exploded. I cant recall what I gave up for him but it was definitely worth it. Once he got out of Cleveland he reduced his walks (33vs10) and shaved a half a run off of his ERA. Nice.

SP-Ricky Nolasco-185 IP/13-9/195 K/5.06 ERA/1.25 WHIP
What can I say about Ricky? By every indication there is no way his era should have been as awful as it was. He started awful. His April ERA was 6.92. His May was even worse at 12.23. He still showed great control and had no problem striking guys out, but he was just plain too damn hittable. His BABIP was absurd at the time, around .350 if I recall correctly. I hung on to him though, as his numbers looked fine. He was sent down for a little while, and when he came back it appeared that he corrected his issues. His second go around showed significant improvement and was striking out 10/9 IP, which is great. So, I'll give Nolasco a pass on 2009 as he didn't really hurt me too much, and stuck around when it really counted.

SP-Tommy Hanson-127 IP/11-4/116 K/2.89 ERA/1.18 WHIP
I hate to wait forever for Hanson to get the call, but it was well worth it. He experienced some good luck, but I wasn't complaining. His debut went so well that a number of 2010 rankings have him among the top 25 SPs for the year. Apparently I'm kind of a sucker for these hot new rookies as I was also the guy who held on to Wieters forever. And a couple years ago I managed to get both Tim Lincecum and Yovani Gallardo as soon as they were promoted. However, I'm also the guy who drafted Alex Gordon, and look how that turned out. Sometimes it doesn't work, sometimes it does.

SP-Arroyo/Slowey/Baker/Kuroda/Kawakami
My other pitchers were hit and miss, for the most part. Arroyo, as it turns out, is absolutely money in the second half. He's the pitcher version of Adam Laroche. Slowey was a target of mine as he walks nobody. Unfortunately he had a season ending injury kind of early on. Baker I took a chance on when someone else cast him off. He's like Slowey, another Minnesota product. These guys have great control. Kuroda is a solid pitcher. Nothing fantastic. The downside is that he rarely gives you more than 6 innings. Kawakami... meh.

Closers-Bell 42 SV/Soria 30 SV/MacDougal 20 SV/ Gutierrez 10 SV
I learned a lesson about closers last year. Not going to share it, but I learned something. Anyway, I traded away a number of closers throughout the year in a number of those buy low deals. I'm the a-hole who picks up the closer-in-waiting the second that the grumblings begin on trade rumors. In review my end of year closers were either solid or garbage. Bell had a breakout year and I expect that he will be overrated this year and Soria had another great year despite an injury. MacDougal, on the other hand, is a WHIP killer and never deserved the job. Gutierrez didn't deserve the job either, and he no longer has the job.

So, in review, I had career years out of Sandoval, Fielder, Utley, Holliday, Span, Choo, Wainwright, Lee, and Bell. It was all kittens and rainbows for 95% of the year. When the playoffs came, however, it was like a completely different squad.

The guy who beat me had a number of spare parts, and it is especially painful in that I traded them to him:

C-Miguel Montero-this guy is actually really good, but he was a part-timer
1-Cuddyer-he had a career year, but no where as good as Fielder
2-Cano-solid, and unlike Utley, he didn't completely disappear in the playoffs
3-Reynolds-had a monster year, but he only batted 260 and set the record for Ks (223)
S-Alberto Callaspo-Who? Exactly. This dude went nuts in September with an ops of .970. In the week of our matchup Callaspo had 1/8 of his RBIs
O-Rajai Davis-another nobody known for stealing bases and nothing else. In that week he had 1/7 of his RBIs
O-Ludwick-he sucked last year
O-Matsui-I traded Matsui to him, hoping to cash in on the name and team. He thanks me by smacking a couple of dingers
Util-Jose Lopez-another guy I sent to him. At least he didn't screw me over.

Other than that he had no decent pitching other than Sabathia. His closers were nice though.

What it all came down to was that everything that could go wrong for me, did, and whatever could go right for him, did.

What are the chances of me ever assembling a team like this again, especially in a 14 team league? Zilch. Nada. It was a learning experience, at the least. It definitely forced me to pay attention to the September track record for players.

Pitchers and catchers report this week, so it's time to finalize my prep, and stop bitching about the past. But god damn that sucked.

Grammy review from a guy who didn't watch them

Fuck the Grammy's.

In fact, fuck all the music award shows. Somewhere along the way it became important for all of the elitists to jerk each other off over how much they like particular artists who they have decided it would be "cool" to like.

For example, it has suddenly become "cool" to think Lady Gaga is the tits. Why? Nofuckinidea. Her music is awful. Her outfits are not edgy, they're ri-goddamn-diculous. I'd comment on her equine-like face but looks should not matter in music. If you look at pictures of the music stars of pre-internet and media saturation times, you'll know what I'm talking about. I'm no fan of that Susan Boyle woman but you have to give her credit for shaming the world in to looking past her Jabba the Hutt-like exterior.

But Lady Gaga is everywhere. In the car she's on the radio. She's a guest on every talk show. I have to hear her at the gym. She's constantly in my head. And how can anyone take her seriously when she looks like this:





You'd think I would be a fan as she is one of those rare women who doesn't believe in pants. Ordinarily, that is something I can get on board. But this woman does nothing for me. Maybe it's the hermaphrodite rumors. Either way, her music is awful, she's obnoxious, and the people who celebrate her eccentricities are doing so in a self-serving way to make themselves think they are edgy.

My next beef is on that little starlet Taylor Swift. Now I hate country music, I think it's awful. Sometimes it can be funny when you have those songs that are just so redneck it's hard to figure out if it is meant to be satire or not. That being said, if I was a country fan, I'd friggin hate Taylor Swift. It's kind of like being really in to rock and having to deal with little bitches like My Chemical Romance and Death Cab for Cutie.

Swift's music is so far from legitimate country music it's barely recognizable. She's a blond Avril Lavigne, who's also annoying. Perhaps my problem is with these little starlets in general. Is there any other country which has to deal with them en masse like the USA does?

Speaking of which, OMGZZZ did you hear the whopper from Miley Cyrus??? She's going to call it quits on Hannah Montanna!!!

My guess is that she has just grown up too much for a show that caters to pre-teen girls. I'm not sure what's next for Miley but I have some guesses...


Now on a positive note, you won't hear me bitch about Beyonce and her shitload of awards. Good for her. That woman can sing, that woman can dance, that woman can do whatever she wants. The "Sasha Fierce" alternate personality bullshit that she's been talking about is lame but these rock stars these days always engage in a little bit of self-indulgence so I will give her a pass on that.

The lack of rock dominance is a trend that gets worse year after year, and that's a bummer. The crop of good rock musicians is just getting weaker. Green Day won, of course. So did Kings of Leon for the one song that people know. Whatever, it would have been nice to see Pearl Jam win something, but that is wishful thinking.

Is rock dying? Perhaps. The genre itself is getting pushed aside by the likes of Country, R&B, Rap, and American Idol-style pop. It took hippies to make it big in the 70s, glam and drugs in the 80s, and Kurt Cobain in the 90s. It will be interesting to see what it will take to bring it to the forefront in the future.

Now, in honor of Beyonce's record-breaking haul, get up and shake that ass.

Nail in the Coffin

NOOO!!!!!

I just heard (read) that Chris Cooley was placed on IR. This makes me sad. The on thing keeping me going this season was the possibility that Captain Chaos could make a late season return and lead the Redskins to their 4th and final win of the season. Now, that will have to wait until next year.

This year has been extremely painful for my 'skins. Their injury list is now starting to bear way too much resemblance to their preseason projected starting lineup.

Portis
Cooley
Haynesworth
Jarmon
Hall
Samuels
Jansen
Betts

... pretty sure I am missing an offensive lineman or two.

In a way, the new look Redskins are kind of exciting to watch. I felt a certain amount of pride watching these guys with no hope of playoffs playing their guts out against the Eagles yesterday. In the end, the exhausted defense couldn't hold out in the closing minutes. It was disappointing, but right now the expectations are so low that just seeing more than 20 points causes a certain amount of excitement.

So this is yet another awful season for the Redskins. All in all, this blog post is simply an excuse to, once again, pay homage to Mr and Mrs Cooley.

Veteran's Day Update

Well, the awesomeness known as "No-Work-Wednesday" has come and gone and here I am back at work where I have the time and leisure to blog. My checklist went like this:

Sleeping Late - Success! I managed to stay in bed until 9am, at which point I treated myself to extended viewings of Sportscenter, multiple cups of coffee, and a three egg omelette with cheese and bacon.

Video Games - You know it. I finally finished the main quest of Fallout 3 and the DLC Point Lookout. I've been stringing that game along for more than a year. While Fallout may be sick, it's about time to wrap it up.

Rocking Out - Eh, not so much. Extended video gaming led to a lack of time to devote to enjoying fine musicians like Pearl Jam and Michael Buble.

Eating Calzone - I ate the shit out of that calzone. However, my first real exposure to calzones came during my senior year of college. We used to get these things from a place called Sabastino's and my god were they delicious. You had to turn it upside over a trash if you wanted to pour some of the extra butter and grease out. Everything I've ever tried since then has been a little more healthy and a lot more boring. I'd probably kill a child if it would get me one of those.

Not Showering - Check!

Watch a Bunch of Movies - Only got to one. GI Joe was ok. There was nothing about it that particularly made me think, "wow, this is exactly like GI Joe!!!". All in all, I probably would have to give it ... 2 Lebowski's.

Getting Drunk - Nope. After a super rich omelette and a big fat calzone I would spend the rest of my day alternating between shitting and not shitting.

So that was my Veteran's Day. Thank you troops for allowing me to stuff my face, get sick, and watch bad movies.

The definition of a "slump buster"

So yeah, Steve Phillips of ESPN and former NY Mets GM fame, has done got himself in to a dilly of a pickle. He went ahead and ended his marriage due to the sweet alluring charms of this ESPN employee:

Take a good look at that. This homely maiden is Brooke Hundley, a fellow ESPN employee whom Phillips thought was worth dipping his pen in the company ink. What in God's name made him think this was a good idea. He can no longer brag about being the guy to discover David Wright. This chick is now his crowning achievement.

Not only does she look like a dump truck, she's also completely out-of-her psychotic. She left a letter for Steve's wife, telling her how their catholic faith shouldn't get in the way of annulment because God wants everyone to be happy, and she also plowed her car in their house. Oh yeah, she also friended little Steve Jr on facebook and pretended to be a classmate or some other shit.

Way to go, Steve. Hopefully you get all of this straightened out during your "leave of absence".

Update: Phillips done got himself fired!!! Awww Nawww!!!

Read more at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/23/steve-phillips-girlfriend_n_331474.html,

Nothing gets support like scaring the elderly

Way too much politics in this blog lately, but what are you going to do. Just read this article this morning which I believe is a perfect illustration of how the GOP has little interest in actually getting reform done on the health care industry. A Bill of Rights for the elderly? Really?? Straw men get used all the time in politics as it is discussed by pundits with an audience and numbnuts like myself without one. When our politicians as a body use them they really are pushing the boundaries of their credibility. To propose something that really is not needed, especially when, in the past, they were pushing for the very same actions that they are now condemning is politics at its worst.

Does it bother the RNC when they see their own poll numbers dropping even lower than the numbers for Obama? It seems like they are basically t aking the stance that if they aren't going to succeed in governing, then neither can the Democrats. I believe in the military it's called a "scorched earth policy" and it's most fitting here as well as I can only describe the Republicans attitude towards Democrats right now as open warfare. I would like nothing more for these two sides to get along. But I highly doubt that I will ever see that in my lifetime.

Putting validity to something most of us already knew

There's a rumor floating that former Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge has a tell-all book in the works containing another piece of information that will be yet another testament to how easy it is to motivate Republican voters. As it turns out, the ebb and flow of the security alerts during the Bush administration can possibly be tied to how badly Bush needed public support. Yes, that's right, Bush essentially used our fear of terrorist attacks in the wake of 9/11 as a tool to get votes in the 2004 election, allegedly.

So here we are again. Like Scott McClellan last year, yet another former Bush official has come forward with more tales of just how seriously fucked up their administration was, allegedly. But hey, at least there weren't any BJs in the Oval Office, allegedly.

Keith Olbermann did a piece on this over a year ago. Turns out he may have been right.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

"Palin" around with idiots

Oh my God, Sarah Palin resigned!!! The United States political landscape has got its collective panties in a bunch over the news developing late last week. It was one of those press conferences geared to generate as little attention as possible as it was held late on a holiday weekend. So, she managed to escape a ton of attention and many news reporters weren't even able to get there in time to cover it. However, all of the pundits are on this case like me on chicken wings.

My personal feelings are that she is clearing her schedule so she can make some money and get herself in position for the 2012 election. That's just a hunch. But I'm not too firm on that since it doesn't take a political genius to see that giving up on being governor of Alaska will cause some voters to see her as opportunistic and unreliable.

I don't buy the pundits who are crying about how unfair everyone has been to her. It's as if the attacks on Bill Clinton, Al Gore, John Kerry, Hillary Clinton, Obama, and every Democrat in the last 20 years never happened. Politics are ugly. If she didn't want to be under the microscope then perhaps she should have never thrust herself in to the 2008 elections with guns a-blazin'. Her role right off the bat was that of "attack dog" firing off insults, non sequiturs, and sarcasm at will. She gets no sympathy from me. Yet when people criticize her, her actions, and her family values it's unfair? Grow up.

That being said, there is not enough money in the world that could ever convince me to get in to politics.

I know it's too much to ask for the talking heads to wait until more information is presented regarding this issue before they start frothing at the mouth about it, but it would be nice to see some restraint. All I can say is, if Obama survives his first term and finds himself facing off against Sarah Palin in 2012, I think the Democrats will be in a very good position indeed.

Rozlúčiť, Hossa. We hardly knew Ye.

Well, that didn't take long. Hossa has come to the decision that the road to the Stanley Cup goes through Chicago. Or maybe he just decided that he'd like to lay in a big pile of money every night like Scrooge McDuck. Not only was he MIA during the playoffs, he immediately jumps ship from a perennial Stanley Cup threat despite stating his desire for a championship.

I guess I can't blame him. Sometimes it makes sense to get paid if you can't win it big and Chicago is a young up-and-coming team.

But Chicago has no excuse for locking the dude up for 12 years. He'll be in his 40s by the time he's done cashing in on this gig. Have fun with that one.

Are you ready for some soccer?!?!

It's World Cup time, baby!!! Catch the fever! The grand-daddy of all sporting events is almost upon us and you can expect dozens, if not hundreds, of Americans to get caught up in the excitement. Just the other day, if it wasn't for the whole work thing, I could have cheered on USA against my people, the Italians. The whole thing started off with a roller-coaster of a match between South Africa and Iraq, culminating in a 0-0 draw. Some people would say a match with a complete lack of scoring would be a bore, but nay, millions of rabid soccer fans everywhere would disagree. Expertly guided passes back to midfield, corner kicks, more passes back to the midfielders, men bravely creating a meat wall in front of a free kick, passes back to the defensemen, headers, and passes back to the keeper. That's what soccer, or football if you will, is all about.

So tune in Wednesday and cheer on the USA, having rolled their way in to the semi's, as they meet Spain in what is sure to be a match for the ages.

Is It Football Season Yet?

Crap

Well, it was a close one at least. I don't know how the Penguins snatched this one away but they did. I'm extremely disappointed in the Red Wings as it looks like they didn't really care until the last period, which was an amazing 20 minutes of hockey. What ultimately decided this game was that all of Detroit's stars were non-factors in both games 6 and 7. Of course, there was also the fact that Fleury willed his team to a victory in the closing seconds of the game. He made a handful of acrobatic saves at the very end when someone finally lit a fire under the defending champs' collective asses.

The Pen's played great, I have to give them that, but if Malkin and Crosby are the futures of the NHL then it's most definitely not going in a direction that I am happy about. I understand he's the captain but seeing Sid the Kid parading around holding Lord Stanley's Cup around the ice put a bitter taste in my mouth (scratch that, I was still at that time enjoying the chicken wing/ pizza spread put together by good buddy Penguins fan Matt while also enjoying a nice cold Blue Moon from Sabres fan other-Matt at the time). Pittsburgh did not win this on the shoulders of Crosby, as much as the NHL tried to make the audience feel like we were watching the second-coming every time he got on the ice. Other than a couple soft goals and the 0-5 beat down it was Fleury and a bunch of role players who won this. Malkin was amazing in the playoffs, but as I've already bitched and moaned about, I didn't necessarily like his conduct.

What it comes down to though is that a loaded roster like Detroit, which has 4 lines worth of quality players, should have definitely been able to close out the series. With the work that Osgood did I don't see any way around it. They were just plain lazy. Maybe they thought a game 7 in their home arena would be a cakewalk. They know differently now. So, that's the end of another NHL season. See you next year.

"I'll wait up in the dark/ For you to speak to me..."

Mornin! I'm trying to start the day off right despite another Yankees loss and my Red Wings running in to the wall known as Jonas Hiller. By the way, Niedermayer, you're a bitch. If you're going to go after Datsyuk (not exactly known as a bruiser), do it like a man instead of throwing a cheap elbow. I might be biased a bit but it looked to me like Anaheim decided that winning wasn't enough and needed to start scrapping with all of Detroit's best players. Not to mention the fact that they have been constantly crying to the refs. You stay classy, Ducks.


But I'm getting off point. So, on my hour long ride in to work I knew I was going to hear nothing but talk about Roger Clemens and the NBA, which I stopped paying attention to about 10 years ago. Luckily, I had Pearl Jam's reissue of Ten handy. I have mixed feelings about bands kicking out greatest hits and reissues and all that junk when they feel like making a buck. And lets be honest, the addition of this album to the collection for your average loyal Pearl Jam fan means that you now have about 50 versions of "Evenflow" to choose from on itunes. But you know what, I don't even care. The differences between this cd and the one that was released almost 20 years ago are subtle but it's still the kick ass collection of songs that can still get me amped all this time later. "Once" is just as a good an opening tune as it's always been and "Release" still brings it to the perfect close. And I don't care how many times I've heard "Evenflow". I will still mumble along with Eddie. Underrated "Deep" and "Garden" are still better than almost all the crap that passes for rock being released these days. They tack on some extras at the end of the cd, which is nice, but most of it seems like filler. They have live or demo versions of "Breath" and "State of Love and Trust" but neither are nearly as good as what you get listening to the Singles soundtrack. The best of the extras is probably "Brother" which adds vocals to what was a pretty nice instrumental song on Lost Dogs. Also, "2,000 Mile Blues" is a step out of the comfort zone, but seriously Eddie, you don't really have the pipes for a blues tune. McCready steals the show on that one.

All told, it's good enough to tide me over until their upcoming album and it also polishes up what was already one of the best albums ever released.

And Niedermayer is still a bitch.